Wooh. I just finished my English assignment for today. We are currently reading the play,
Much Ado About Nothing by the very well known Shakespeare, and we had a choice of the three [copying word for word from what the teacher assigned]:
1. Write ad advice column [Dear Abbie, etc.] with five letters from characters and responses from you.
2. Write a gossip column covering items from the course of the play so far.
3. Write a Jerry Springer transcript [two pages] with Claudio, Hero, Don Pedro, Friar Francis, and Leonato.
I decided on #2. I was about to do #1, but I really hate giving advice to characters that are not real. Plus, that idea kind of soudned cheesy... so yeah. Although, I'm pretty good with gossip--I guess--thus, I went with number two. #3 was a little risqué, and I really didn't want to get in trouble for writing something school un-appropriate, even if the idiotic teacher assigned something that would cause a student to do so.
Anywho, I'm done with it, so I guess I'll post it here. Only because I want to. *grin*
[Start assignment]~
Mil Alba
A4
Mila’s Gossip Corner
Fun, costumes, and masks galore!
Reporting right from the party inside the chamber of Leonato’s house, I can see that everyone is having great fun. I can assure you, that there is not a single person in here
not dressed for the moment. The men are wearing their masks for good fun along with their colorful dress garments—all to impress the ladies. The women, in the other hand, are wearing beautiful Elizabethan gowns all in harmonious colors of gold, red, blue and orange. Although, you can tell the semi-rich from the ultra-rich, as the daughters of important men are blessed with beautiful crowns and more fanciful, more
expensive dresses. What a night this will be!
The Prince plots a love connection
Uh oh! Is it love in the air, or is it just the result from the friendly, mischievous plans of our prince, Don Pedro, the uncle of Beatrice, Leonato, and the two couple, Claudio and Hero? I first-handedly heard from the party last night, how these four people are planning to fool Benedick that Beatrice loves him, thus vice versa. I have no idea why this team of four would want two people that would probably bite each other’s heads off
into holy matrimony, but I guess they just saw something that I didn’t. Maybe they assume that the hot-tempered wit that the two have would cancel each other in contact through “love” and somehow form into a sick and twisted type of weird romance? Oh dear my. If you ask me, I honestly think it would
never work out. But I guess we’ll see soon enough!
Hero, a treacherous slut?
I say this in deep sarcasm, for this is a great surprise. I always knew that Hero was hiding
something. I thought, at first that I was only feeling that way because of my envy of the girl, for she is fair and she is adored. Although, after following Claudio to Hero’s window the other night, that with mine eyes, I saw Hero making un-matrimonial sin with another man! Such an un-faithful fiancé, don’t you agree? I cannot believe that our “innocent” little Hero could do such a thing. I shake my head in disappointment, but look on the brighter side, ladies—signor Claudio is yet again a bachelor! If you’re a pure, untouched lady of high seniority, I suggest you step up to the plate and try to win this man’s heart. Forget about Hero, I would bet my entire career that her father would at the least, disown her if he doesn’t end up killing the un-faithful witch.
Misunderstood! Trouble at the church
Heavenly gracious, Hero was innocent after all! Forgive me, readers of my column, for I have made great and biased judgments on our fair Hero. I was at the wedding today, and it turns out that the sweet girl is innocent! The Friar, along with the notorious “
I will never get married” Benedick says so. We never should have trusted that Don John and Borrachio, of all people. ‘Twas Borrachio’s idea, but Don John was the one that went along with the plan, not to mention, the person that had the power and influence to carry along such a plan. He simply didn’t want
anyone to be happy, especially with Claudio and Hero, he wanted to sabotage their marriage and ruin their chance in eternal happiness of love and romance.
This is how it happened: First of all, Don John did his best to convince Claudio and the Prince of Hero’s un-faithfulness. To coat it all, he and Boracchio planned to set up Margaret and her boyfriend inside Hero’s room so that they can do their “business”, while having Claudio believe that the girl inside Hero’s room was Hero. Such an evil little plot, I must say.
Dogberry: uneducated, drunk or just plain dumb?
Forgive me for attacking this honorable watchman of our quaint little town, but his idiocy really astounds me. If it were not for him, the dramatic scenario that occurred at the wedding of Hero and Claudio would have either been cleared up before the ceremony started, or at least numbed a bit and straightened up afterwards. He knew of the plot between Don John and Boracchio, but after an aggravating confrontation to tell Leonato, Hero’s father, about the Bastard’s evil plot, his mix-up of words only confused and irritated Leonato, whom lost patience in Dogberry and left him to go to the church. Although, the whole scene with Claudio and everyone else at the church somewhat humored me, so I guess Dogberry did one thing right. He may have good intentions, but good lord, it takes him a while (if ever) to accomplish them. I just hope that he gets some literacy help before he does anymore damage.
(Note about this paper)
I decided to “invent” an actual gossip queen that might have been present at the time of
Much Ado About Nothing, if the story was ever real. Mila is a “reporter” that listens to the gossip that everyone else tells her, while making her own decisions on everything. She is pretty judgmental at times, and tends to follow the crowd—whomever they may be, and it usually makes her a little hypocritical. For example, when she heard about Hero’s treachery, she immediately jumped the bandwagon and believed everything that Don John was feeding everyone about Hero’s fake un-faithfulness. Yet, when she found out about the truth—or, at least found out that the Friar and Benedick believes that Hero is innocent, she jumps on
another bandwagon and starts agreeing with their observations from the whole church scenario.
I based Mila on some of the gossip columnists of today. Some of them really
do follow the names of their column genre—they actually do sometimes just go along with what is offered to them through gossip. Sometimes, what they say is completely false or is twisted through word of mouth. But, sometimes, they do get something right now and then—therefore, I didn’t write this entire gossip column completely out of the gossip that might have been going around the town of Messina.
~[End assignment]
Blegh.
